More meloncholy

I said that I was going to write every day... That's a bit of a fail...

Still it's only been one day that I've missed out of three, counting this one, so I guess that's something.

One thing that's been pissing me off is my job situation. All my life I have just floated along, never really settling into one type of job and the easy jobs to find are just so mind numbingly boring so I just got bored and ended up fucking them up. I've never actually stuck to anything, I feel like I have no substance, nothing to back up who I am apart from the things that come out of my mouth here and now. I get offers to do things and I turn up and say the right things, smile at the right time and on the surface everything seems fine. But underneath, I'm overwhelmed by how everyone else in the room is something, they've been to university, college or have spent years in a job gaining experience. Then I turn up, feeling like an imposter having not spent one day working for years, left school at 16 and nothing to show for myself.

I don't even know hoe to address this situation, I simply don't have the resources to go back to university to study and the jobs that I could get are just so trivial that they would send me into a depression and I fear I would just slip into how I used to be again. Looking at my cv, it's just shite, building jobs, warehouses and bits of work that I've picked up from old mates. How do I even begin to get work doing what I want to do? My motivation just seems to wax and wane every day.

Ah well, sooner or later something will come up.